Not One Thing or the Other

Things are rarely one thing or the other. I have my joys and my frustrations and these mix and twist from day-to-day or sometimes from hour to hour. I know who I am, where I have come from, the things that make me fortunate: my wife and daughter, who are the majority of the good, happy, silly and light; who make me smile and laugh to myself, most days, in the shower and before I go to sleep and in other moments when I'm by myself. Even with that, I'm sometimes lost, shocked and compromised, my life is not my own and I don't know how the hell I got to be a here, now, doing this. Most of that is work and the time it takes away from living, its impossibility and the lack of beauty, a bureaucratic analogy to seasonal affective disorder, where I'm waiting for sunshine to roll around again. I suspect I will write more about the negative...because it will be funnier but remember that's never the whole story.